By Shannon Carlin
Heaven knows Morrissey will be miserable now until forever. And in the name of his infinite sadness we say take a drink. Or two. You know what, just keep ’em coming and pray we have enough cabernet to cover Moz’s entire 30-year career.
In honor of the recent release of Morrissey’s tenth solo studio LP, World Peace Is None Of Your Business, we thought up a drinking game in honor of Steven Patrick Morrissey and his pain, sorrow and his utter hatred for The Queen.
Being that World Peace Is None of Your Business is Morrissey’s first record in five years, we’ve broken things down into five common themes consistently heard in songs penned by the Moz. Under each theme we’ve listed a few specific rules that might have you taking anywhere from a sip to a shot to just chugging a full glass—or, since we’re doing this in honor of Morrissey, we’ll say half-full glass — of whatever you like.
With options, comes choices, so you can choose to play all five categories at the same time or focus on just one particular theme as you shuffle your way through a Morrissey playlist.
We suggest you make sure you’re not playing with anyone who has the flu or any kind of allergies since we don’t want to see you have to end the game early, along with that friendship. Actually, what are we saying, this is a game that is probably best played by one’s self in a barely lit room.
TAKE A SIP = any time he utters the word “please.” Rule applies triply to “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want”
TAKE TWO SIPS = any time he sings about being rejected. If it’s by a woman, take only one sip. If it’s by Jesus, take a third sip
TAKE A SHOT = any time he pleads for love or understanding. Take an extra shot if he says he’s “drunk” while doing so
DRINK = any time he achieves a questionable rhyme (i.e. On “I Want The One I Can’t Have” where he somehow rhymes “mentality” with “biology”)
FINISH YOUR DRINK = any time he makes reference to the great Romantic poets like John Keats, William Butler Yeats or Oscar Wilde. Take an additional drink if he quotes or paraphrases said poet’s work
TAKE A SIP = any time he speaks of the dreariness that is working nine-to-five
TAKE TWO SIPS = if he sings of silly people doing silly things
TAKE A SHOT = any time he says he’s sorry. Take an additional shot if it sounds like he actually means it
DRINK = any time he takes a swipe at the monarchy, church or record industry.
FINISH YOUR DRINK = if he happens to rail against two of the above three in the same song
TAKE A SIP = any time he uses allusions of death to describe love
TAKE TWO SIPS = any time he speaks of having a “murderous desire” or “turning bad”
TAKE A SHOT = any time he just comes right out and compares love to death. Take an extra shot if the comparison is meant to be positive
DRINK = any time he professes his love to somebody while simultaneously mocking them
FINISH YOUR DRINK = any time he advocates for a celibate or asexual lifestyle
TAKE A SIP = any time he refers to a “long sleep”
TAKE TWO SIPS = any time he refers to his own death or suicide
TAKE A SHOT = any time he romanticizes death. If listening to “First Of the Gang To Die” take a shot every time he sings the chorus.
DRINK = any time he speaks of animal cruelty. If listening to “Meat Is Murder,” take a moment to enjoy a vegetarian snack before throwing back a second drink
FINISH YOUR DRINK = any time he mentions a specific way someone died, finish another if he’s the one doing the killing
TAKE A SIP = any time he uses a pun in place of expressing his true feelings. Take an extra sip if you had to use Google to fully understand the pun
TAKE A SHOT = any time he manages to be both confident and insecure in the same song
TAKE TWO SHOTS = any time you feel uncomfortable by something Morrissey says. If you’re listening to “Bigmouth Strikes Again,” chug your drink of choice, than sit quietly until the song is over
DRINK = any time you feel sympathy for poor ol’ Morrissey
FINISH YOUR DRINK = any time he makes reference to his Irish blood, English heart. If actually listening to”Irish Blood, English Heart” tackle his identity issues head on with an Irish Car Bomb