By Kevin Rutherford
Not a week after the now-infamous Standard Hotel elevator incident and just two days after a sweeping follow-up statement that said everything and nothing all at once, the duo dropped in the wee hours of Saturday night, just minutes after a fairly amusing Saturday Night Live skewering of the situation, their own cinematic triumph: a trailer for the upcoming co-headlining On the Run Tour.
Titled “Run” and directed by frequent collaborator Melina Matsoukas, the three-minute clip doesn’t just get by on the bow-to-me star power of Bey Z. The teaser features a plethora of cameos, from Sean Penn and Don Cheadle to Jake Gyllenhaal and Blake Lively.
Below, we’ll count down the five best moments from this exercise in excess — and altogether fun.
1. Jake Gyllenhaal’s CRAZY EYES
Gyllenhaal’s isn’t known for playing batshit insane characters, but his role in the supposed flick (hitman? Just your standard crook?) involves staring crazy-eyed as a car does a barrel roll after an explosion — and then keeps the manic expression in the next shot as well. If this film was just 75 percent Gyllenhaal blowing up things and smiling stupidly at it, would we be worse or better off in life?
2. Cool Guys (and Gals) Don’t Look at Explosions
When the Lonely Island first brought up the phenomenon at the MTV Movie Awards a few years back, it made perfect sense: yes, action stars don’t ever really watch the explosions they’ve either caused or are walking away from, do they? (Well, except Jake Gyllenhaal, apparently.) Once it’s clear “Run” is supposed to emulate an action trailer, one had to expect a shot of Jay and Bey walking away from a blazing inferno. And we weren’t let down.
3. Emmy Rossum Being a Really Bad Shot
In keeping with action film stereotypes, the character played by Emmy Rossum, a cop who has presumably been hired for being able to do cop things like shoot a gun and hit a target, chases Beyoncé onto a narrow street. She raises her gun and begins shooting as the pop star flees — and misses every time. Best part is at the end of the shot, where she puts down her gun and gives a bewildered look. “I missed?! 0____0;;”
OK, this had to have been filmed before the Met Gala incident, but that doesn’t make the shot of the couple getting out of an elevator, on their way to or from committing a crime, any less topical.
5. “Coming Never”
That, however, could also be construed as one of worst (or most disappointing?) things about the clip. Coming never? As in, whatever the admittedly muddled film trailer just shown is for a movie that does not, and never will, exist? Come on. Jay and Don Cheadle’s Really Vague Conversation about Really Vague Things can’t be limited to a three-minute trailer. Boo.