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What If Michelle Obama Wrote an Open Letter To Kanye West?

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Lately, Kanye West has been taking his one-man show (The Yeezus Monolgues as they will soon come to be known) to morning radio shows to talk about his Yeezus tour, his public perception, and his grand designs: to go into design. He’s spoken recently to 97.1 AMP Radio (a Radio.com station) about many issues, including but not limited to President Barack Obama’s fashion (“Obama? Nobody’s looking at what Obama is wearing. I’m the No. 1 inspirational person in fashion.”)

Reiterating and adding to the point, Kanye recently spoke to Ryan Seacrest about First Lady Michelle Obama with regard to his new fiancée Kim Kardasian:

There’s no way Kim Kardashian shouldn’t be on the cover of Vogue. She’s like the most intriguing woman right now. She’s got Barbara Walters calling her like everyday …and collectively we’re the most influential with clothing. No one is looking at what [President] Obama is wearing. Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a [bikini] pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day…so it’s to say when we are there and [editor-in-chief of French Vogue] Carine Roitfeld supports my girl, that’s a breakthrough … there’s a wall of classism that we are breaking through.”

Of course Mrs. Obama could not be bothered to comment on this trifling comment, but writer Rembert Brown at Grantland could certainly be bothered. He decided to pen a letter to Kanye in her stead, complete with struck-through asides. Read satire at its best below:

 

Dear Kanye,

Hi, it’s Michelle. Michelle Obama, Barack’s wife. Barack Obama, the President of the United States of America.

That makes me the First Lady of the United States of America. Me = Michelle Obama.

I hope all is well.

You know, Kanye, I woke up this morning. In the White House. And one of my aides told me she had something to show me. Something that would make me laugh. A “cute” thing, if you will.

It was a series of quotes, Kanye. About my husband and me. About my Vogue magazine cover. And fashion. And classism.

They were your quotes. You were the cute thing, Kanye. And my aide was right. It did make me laugh. Oh, what a hearty White House laugh it was.

Keep my name out your mouth, ya heard.

Tell me, Kanye, what’s your goal with this? Why us? Are you still mad about my husband calling you a jackass a few times? Is that why you’re focusing on me instead of on all the other women who have been on the cover of Vogue?…

Do read the rest of the letter at Grantland.

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